The way back home
by Shennya
Summary: The man smiles at him and Steve's heart does a funny thing inside his chest. A warm shiver passes through his body. Just then he decides to look at his eyes, they're green and bright; there's a mesmerizing sparkle dancing in them. And Steve feels it; it's like a pull, something that's dragging him close to the man. He feels at home. "Breathe with me," he says and Steve does.
1. Chapter 1 Breathe with me

**Chapter 1**

 **Breathe with me**

 _"Wise men say_

 _only fools rush in."_

It's been a month since he came out of the ice. No, he didn't come out, they took him out. But Steve Rogers doesn't feel alive; the world has changed and even though it seems like it's glad to welcome Captain America back, Steve is not sure if he wants to become him again. His home is lost, buried in the past and he doesn't know if he can find it in this new and strange world.

He knows a few people from this century; Nick Fury, the man who brought him back and gave him and apartment inside SHIELD's building (that sometimes feels more like a prison), and Natasha Romanoff, the first agent that was assigned to keep an eye on him. Steve still doesn't trust Fury that much, but she… she's like his first friend from the 21st.

Natasha is the one that suggests him to make a list of things he has missed those 70 years he was _asleep._ They start to watch movies and series she thinks are essential for him to know more about the world he's in. And after a few weeks, she gives him a phone with all the songs he has to listen.

It's why that very morning, he decides to take his phone and listen to Elvis while he goes for a run. The thing is Steve normally has good days; he has learned to cope with his loneliness and the constant feeling of being out of place… but sometimes he's overwhelmed by all of them and sadly he doesn't know that day would be one of them.

He's close to a library when he feels it: his chest is tight, like something heavy has just landed on it. He looks around, but the faces he sees are empty; they're not his people, his people are dead and he should be dead with them. He doesn't belong among them. He's a fool; of course he will never find a home in there.

Steve starts running. He's desperate; he's drowning, he wants to get out. No. He wants to come back to the ice.

Luckily, people are smart and they stay out of his way as much as they can. He doesn't want to hurt them, but the urge to escape is stronger than everything else. His vision becomes blurry… He collides with something and falls to the ground. He can't breathe and his muscles don't seem to work properly either… Steve begins to panic, but then, among all the noise on the street, Elvis voice in his ears and his own breathing, he can hear words in a deep soft voice close to him.

Someone has kneeled beside him.

"Are you okay?"

Steve feels kind hands on his face, out of instinct, his body reacts to them and his face leans up. The world doesn't look hazy anymore; his eyes focus on the fingers on his skin; one of the hands that's holding him is warm and soft, but the other one feels cold… and he notices it's made of metal… He's confused again; his mind is taking him back to that dark place…

"Hey, look at me. Just look at me." The voice is mild, so calm that Steve can't help but listen to it.

So he finally looks up. Steve stares at the man that's looking back at him. But it's not just an ordinary man; it's the most gorgeous man he has ever seen. His brown hair is gathered into a ponytail, but there are a few hairs falling over his face. Steve feels a desperate need to draw him and his eyes look at him like they want to memorize all the details of his face. He notices the stubble and before he can stop himself, his hand reaches out and touches it.

The man smiles at him and Steve's heart does a funny thing inside his chest. A warm shiver passes through his body. Just then he decides to look at his eyes, they're green and bright; there's a mesmerizing sparkle dancing in them.

And Steve feels it; it's like a pull, something that's dragging him close to the man.

 _He feels at home._

"Breathe with me," he says and Steve does.

He'd do anything that man asks him to. That's when he realizes he's in trouble.

* * *

Bucky blames his bad luck; he's going to be late for work, his boss is gonna kill him this time and the mass of muscle he bumped into a few seconds ago turned out to be a really hot guy who's having a panic attack. He tries not to be distracted by the blond hair, those beautiful blue eyes or the hand that's touching his chin at the moment. He instructs the guy to breathe with him and when he's relaxed, Bucky decides to try to speak again.

"You're safe," he assures him and smiles when the guy nods. Bucky decides he can move again and stands up. He offers his hand to the man.

But the guy just looks at him dumbstruck; he blinks while staring at his hand and then at his face like there's a battle in his head. Bucky resists the temptation to look back at his own hand; normally people react like that with the metal one, but the hand reaching out is the flesh one, so he doesn't quite understand why the guy seems so shocked.

He sighs and starts to move when suddenly the man on the ground takes his hand and he lets Bucky help him to stand. The guy grins from ear to ear and looks at him like he won the lottery. There's a sparkle in those blue eyes he just can't decipher. Also the guy doesn't seem to notice he's still holding Bucky's hand. Maybe the man hit his head in the ground too hard or something like that.

"Be careful next time," Bucky blurts out before turning around. He needs to go; he's definitely not gonna arrive on time to work.

The same hand that was holding his seconds ago now takes him by the arm and stops him before he can run away.

"I need your name," the guy says and blushes an adorable shade of red. "I mean… you didn't tell me… I just want to know."

"My name's James Buchanan Barnes, but my friends call me Bucky," he says. He doesn't bother to ask for the guy's name because he knows is the last time he's gonna see him. Guys like him, beautiful, kind and noble don't want broken and fucked up men like Bucky. Not as friends, not as partners… they just don't.

The guy seems like he wants to say something more, but Bucky speaks before, "I'm sorry, but I really have to go." And then he runs away.

* * *

Nat realizes the moment Steve opens the door and invites her in that something has changed. She watches him return to the kitchen while humming a song she thinks she recognizes… but she's too distracted by the big grin on Steve's face to try to focus on it.

"Okay, spit it out," she urges. The man looks at her with a confused expression on his face and she rolls her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Steve asks and he looks truly lost.

"You have this dumb smile on your face," she points out and enjoys when the man's face turns a beautiful shade of pink. "Clearly something happened to you and I want to know."

"Nothing happened," he clears his throat.

"Rogers, we both know you're a terrible liar," Nat reminds him and her tone is softer now. "Besides I've never seen you smile so bright in all the time we've known each other."

Steve blushes even deeper at that and bites his lip.

"Fine," he sighs. "I'll tell you because I trust you, but also because I need a favor."

"You just have to ask, you know." Nat winks at him and waits for him to sit on the couch in front of her.

"I met someone this morning," he says. "But I just… I didn't have the time to ask for his number… I just know his name."

"So it's a _he_ then," Natasha comments, smirking at him.

"I want to know more about him…" he continues, ignoring her.

"So you want me to look for his public records and tell you about his past. That'd be easy, don't worry."

"No! I didn't mean it like that!" Steve replies; he seems alarmed. "I need to see him again. I just want to know where he works and maybe his phone number too," he adds and looks a little bit ashamed, like he's doing something wrong.

"Consider it done," she promises, but makes a mental note to do delve even more just in case. "Well… what's your boyfriend's name?"

Steve frowns at her in response, but it's too late: she has seen the pleased gleam in his eyes. The captain really wants that guy.

"He's not my boyfriend."

" _Yet._ "

"I don't even know him…"

"Oh, but you want to know him better, don't you? I can see that–"

" _Romanoff,_ " he warns; he's still frowning and Nat is kind enough not to laugh again in front of him, but it's really difficult because Steve is all red and flustered and he looks adorable.

"Okay, I won't tease you anymore, I promise," she says, well… for now. "So… the name. I need it in order to look for information."

"James Buchanan Barnes," Nat can see the way Steve's trying not to let the grin appear on his face again. "Bucky's his nickname." He can't help it and smiles at her when he says it and Natasha knows the captain's completely lost. He's so far gone.

It's not that difficult for her to keep a straight face while she listens Steve talk about the guy, her training helps her not to let the emotions to show up on her face; she knows everything she needs about the guy already, because Bucky Barnes is also her friend. But Steve Rogers doesn't know that and she wants to keep it that way for now.

It's gonna be fun.


	2. Chapter 2 Not a date

**Chapter 2**

 **Not a date**

He's so tired that night he doesn't even bother to eat something or change his clothes; he just falls on the bed and starts to close his eyes, when his phone rings. Bucky growls at it and is already mad at the person who's stealing his time to sleep from him. He's seriously thinking about not answering when he sees the number. Of course it has to be her.

He picks it up with another growl.

"Hello, Red." Bucky says and he can't help but let the words out with a huff.

"Hi, gorgeous." He hears her laugh. "I can tell you're in a good mood."

"Well, I was about to sleep, when someone decided it was the perfect time to call me," Bucky rolls on the bed trying to keep himself awake, but his eyes keep on closing every few seconds. So he lets out a pained moan and sits on the bed. He seriously hates Nat right now.

"I'm your friend. I just wanted to know how you're doing," Nat tries to sound serious, but he knows she's grinning from ear to ear; she's really enjoying herself at the moment.

"I'm fine," Bucky assures her. He knows she always worries about him and she has reasons to be worried, but he doesn't want to talk about his life now.

"Sure," the woman huffs and Bucky knows she doesn't believe him. "So, did you finally find your special someone?"

"I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy," his reply comes out a little bit defensive and aggressive; he knows his annoyance is not directed at her, but at himself because Bucky suddenly discovers himself thinking about the hot blond guy he just met.

"Of course not, darling. But believe me, the company is good sometimes," she says and she doesn't sound bothered by his words. She still has that amused tone dancing in her voice.

"Yes, I know," he concedes and bites his lip when the image of the handsome man appears on his traitor thoughts. Bucky shakes his head trying to erase that of his mind.

"Tell me… how was your day?" Nat continues; she sounds very happy for some reason.

"Well… Darcy didn't kill me, which was really nice," he remembers the glare his boss gave to him when he arrived to the cafeteria. She's kind and a good manager, but if she gets mad, well she can be truly frightening sometimes.

"She loves you and you know it," Nat reminds him and Bucky has to agree with her; Darcy is like a sister to him and he's aware that she sees him like family. "But tell me… what did you do to angry her?"

"I arrived one hour later and she was already panicking because the clients were impatient and mad. And when she saw me, she basically growled at me." He blurts out, laughing.

"Seems like you deserved it," Nat comments. "But the question here is why did you arrive late?"

Bucky curses under his breath; he regrets immediately saying that, of course Natasha would want to know the reason and he doesn't feel ready to talk about the hot guy.

"I had a problem. I just… It's not really important, actually," he knows his voice is betraying him and he also knows Natasha is a very well trained spy and she can tell when he's hiding something.

"Are you sure? I mean… nothing special happened to you this morning?" She insists and Bucky's sure if they were talking face to face she would be smirking at him.

It's almost like she knows.

"Are you spying on me again?" He asks before he can stop himself.

"First of all I already apologized for that one time and I told you I had to do it, I couldn't trust you till I knew you weren't a serial killer or something," she explains with a huff, but her words are not harsh. "And second of all I promised I wouldn't do that again and I keep my promises, you know that."

"Sorry… I didn't mean it."

"Don't worry, you're lucky you're handsome and I can't get mad at you," Bucky rolls his eyes at the comment but can't help the smile that appears on his face. "Now, spit it out! What happened?"

"Nothing," he replies too quickly.

"Right. Well, when you are ready to tell your best friend, you know I'm all ears," he's relieved to hear her say that, at least she won't insist on that.

"Thanks, Nat."

"Speaking of your job and don't get me wrong please, you know I love Darcy, but you seriously think of working at that cafeteria for the rest of your life?" The woman asks.

Bucky huffs, because he knows exactly where this is going.

"There's nothing wrong with being a barista," he replies.

"I know, but you're a Sergeant, you're a soldier first and Fury is really interested in a guy with your abilities, says SHIELD needs more people like you."

"You talked to him about me."

"Of course I did."

"You know I appreciate the offer, Nat–"

"Here comes a 'but', am I wrong?"

"But I like my job and I'm not planning on quitting it soon," he continues as she didn't say anything. "Besides… I don't think I'm prepared to return to that kind of life."

He hears her sigh.

"I understand," she lets out and she sounds sincere. "But… Have you considered what will happen if you meet someone with that kind of lifestyle?"

"Well I already have a friend who's a spy and it hadn't affected me, so…" he jokes.

"No… I mean… what if you get involved with someone who's constantly risking his life? Maybe a hot soldier–"

"I highly doubt it," Bucky interrupts her. "I'm not interested on having a relationship right now, Nat. Besides, I don't think many people would be into an ex-soldier who's as fucked up and broken as I am."

"Stop it. Don't you dare speak about yourself like that again, you hear me?" She spits and he knows she's really annoyed this time. "If you say something like that again, I'm gonna go there and kick your stubborn ass."

Bucky sighs, but he doesn't want to argue so he doesn't protest.

"Okay, okay. I'm handsome and perfect and anyone will be lucky to have me, you're happy now?"

"I'd be happy if I knew you mean it," she says and he laughs.

"Well, as much as I love to hear your voice I really want to go to sleep right now."

"Fine, I'll let you rest, soldier. But don't you think this conversation is over." Nat warns.

"I know I'm not that lucky." He replies, before hanging up.

* * *

The big news spreads all over the world the very next day. Bucky knows at the same time Darcy has forgiven him, because she's the one that tells him. He's making two cappuccinos and he's finishing decorating them, when Darcy shakes him by the shoulder and almost ruins everything.

"Hey, careful!" He protests, glaring at her.

"Look at this!" She shows him her phone, ignoring him. "Captain America is alive! And he's so so hot! Just look at him!"

"What?" Bucky blinks at her, confused. "Darcy, he died 70 years ago, he can't be–"

"The government found him a month ago in the ice and they managed to get him out and wake him up. He didn't age and God bless America for that, he's gorgeous!"

"Darcy you can't believe everything you read on the Internet, you know."

"I'm not an idiot… but this is not a conspiracy theory that you find in a very suspicious blog, no… this is all over the news," she explains and takes Bucky's chin with his hand to force him to look at her phone's screen.

She's right. He reads the article quickly; everyone's talking about it on the social media, especially on twitter. And then… he sees a photo and almost drops the cups of coffee he's holding.

Captain America is the guy he met. It's his guy.

"Bucky? You okay?"

He blinks at her and he realizes he's looking at the image like an idiot.

"Yeah… I just got distracted."

Darcy smirks.

"You like what you see, huh? I told you he was hot!" She laughs. Bucky frowns at her and turns around before she can notice the blush on his cheeks.

Bucky sighs, well at least he's sure now that he won't see him again. He's definitely out of his league.

* * *

It's been a entire week since the last time he saw him and Steve would be lying if he says he hasn't missed him, because God know he has… and it's ridiculous how much he did.

He notices the sign that says 'closed' but enters anyway when he realizes the door is not locked yet. He's glad the only two people that remain in there don't notice him, because that gives him the opportunity to look at Bucky.

And he does. He looks at him like he's trying to learn every single detail of his face and body by heart. And he realizes his memory doesn't make him justice; he looks more stunning than he remembers. But this time's worst for him, because he has the opportunity to see a different kind of smile on his face; it's beautiful and relaxed and kind that Steve feels himself weak at the knees. The thing is… that smile is not directed at him nor is the laughter he hears seconds after and the one he wants to hear for the rest of his life.

God help him, he's really into deep.

Only then he notices the pretty girl with dark hair that's standing next to Bucky, who's currently looking at her with a tender look on his face and Steve can't help the wave of jealousy that consumes him. But he feels guilty about it immediately; he has no right to be jealous, Bucky's not his. He's not his and though he knows it he still prays that she's not his girlfriend, he also hopes with all his might he likes men.

The girl's eyes land on him and of course she recognizes him.

"Oh my fucking God!" She squeaks and startles Bucky when she does it. "Captain America is here!"

The man turns around quickly and Steve can help but smile at his shocked expression. He looks adorable.

"Hi, Bucky."

* * *

He blinks at the hot guy, no… he blinks like an idiot in front of Captain America. Bucky's sure this is some kind of cruel joke the universe is playing on him. He's sure the guy doesn't come here just to see him, there must be a coincidence. He probably just wants a coffee or something.

"Look, Captain… I'm sorry to say that–"

"Please don't say that," he interrupts and he looks pained which makes Bucky even more confused. "Just call me Steve."

"Steve," Bucky tries and blushes when he sees the man grinning at him from ear to ear. "Well… as I was saying we're closed, but if you want to come back tomorrow for–"

"What the hell, Bucky?" Darcy glares at him. She looks at him like he has lost his mind. "He's Captain America, he won a fucking war! Of course we're going to make an exception for him."

"Actually, I didn't come here for coffee," Steve says and Bucky can tell he's amused.

"No? You want apple pie, hot chocolate? Anything you want, handsome," she winks at him and Bucky resist the temptation to facepalm himself.

"No… I mean," he continues, flustered for some reason. He looks at Bucky in the eye and his face turns bright red. "I came to see you, Buck."

"Me? What? Why?" He blurts out. His heart beats harder at the new nickname and he knows his face must look comical because of the confusion.

"I was hoping I could take you out to dinner tonight," Steve says. He looks hopeful and scared at the same time.

What? Bucky's almost petrified and tries to remind himself that Steve's not talking about a date; it's definitely not a date, he probably just wants to thank him for what he did the other day.

"Of course he accepts!" Darcy cuts in before he can react properly and hits him with his elbow.

"Yeah… Yes," he answers and Steve practically beams at him.

"I'll be waiting for you outside then. It was a pleasure to meet you…"

"Darcy," she tells him and shakes his hand. Steve looks at Bucky again before walking out of the cafeteria.

"Why didn't you tell me you know Captain America?" She almost yells at Bucky when Steve's out of sight.

"I wasn't… It was just an accident, I didn't know I was going to see him again," he starts babbling. "It was not a big deal, okay? Besides, I didn't know he was Captain America till I saw the article on your phone. I didn't even ask him his name when I met him."

Darcy frowns at him and crosses her arms on her chest. But then she just huff and rolls her eyes.

"You know what, it doesn't matter right now. You can… no, you're going to tell me everything tomorrow." She pushes him to the door. "I'll take care of the rest, you can go now."

"I can't let you–" Bucky starts to protest but she shakes her head.

"You can and you will. You're date is waiting for you!" Darcy insists.

Bucky feels his cheeks warm, but tries to ignore it.

"He's not my date! It's not a date, Darcy! He's just… being nice."

Darcy rolls her eyes and smirks at him.

"Whatever you say, handsome. Now go!" She opens the door and basically kicks him out of there.

He feels the temptation to return and tell her one thing or two, but he forgets everything when he sees Steve in his brown jacked, standing close to his bike. Of course the guy has a motorbike, just to make things worse to Bucky, just to look sexier and…

He shakes his head and tries not to droll in front of him.

It's not a date, he reminds himself. Steve approaches him and looks at him with a big smile on his face.

"Where are we going exactly?" Bucky asks, trying to shake the nervousness out of his mind.

"It's a small restaurant, not fancy, but I assure you they make the best burgers you'll ever eat, I promise," he says. "But if you prefer to go somewhere else–"

"Actually that sounds perfect," Bucky says and feels more relaxed. He even returns the smile.

Steve nods and gets on the bike and Bucky sits behind him. He wants to put his hands around his waist, but decides not to and puts them on Steve's shoulders.

"I think it'll be better if you put your hands on my waist," Steve suggests and turns his head around to look at him.

And he smirks. Bucky's so confused that he just does as he's told. Does he…? No, Steve's not flirting with him, because it's not a date.

"Ready?" Steve asks.

"Yeah," no, he's definitely not ready.


	3. Chapter 3 The initiative

**Chapter 3**

Steve's right; the place is quiet and kind of nice. The good thing about it is that there are a few people inside when they arrive, but none of them seem to recognize Steve and if they do they don't look like they care about it. Bucky likes that, he's not prepared for the attention that involves being with Steve Rogers.

Bucky forgets all of his fears as the evening goes on; Steve proves to be an excellent company and they actually seem to get along quite well. It feels so natural to talk with him that Bucky tells him a piece of his past as a Sergeant, because Steve looks back at him like he actually understands what he's been through.

Steve tells him about Brooklyn; his childhood and the way he used to be back then. Bucky knows a few pieces of the story; everyone knows about Captain America, but it feels completely different when the guy who lived all of that is telling the story.

Bucky smiles at him as he mentions he used to be a stubborn little thing that never ran away from bullies even though if they were bigger and stronger than him.

"Well you're not little anymore, but I bet you still are a stubborn idiot, Rogers." He says laughing, but his laughter dies as he realizes what he said; Bucky looks worried at Steve, wondering if he just crossed some kind of invisible line he's supposed not to.

He opens his mouth to apologize, but he's interrupted by Steve rich and beautiful laughter. The captain grins at him and catches the hand that's on the table, Bucky's surprised by this, but he lets Steve do it.

"Yes, I am. But I must warn you, I'm worse when it comes to things that I really like," suddenly Steve's smirking at him again and Bucky can't help but blush hard. Of course Captain bloody America is not talking about him, he's NOT flirting.

Definitely not.

"I never give up," Steve adds with that enormous grin on his face. He looks like he's about to say something, but Bucky asks him about his years in the army and the war before he can open his mouth again.

He regrets it almost immediately when he sees Steve's expression turning sad.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking, just forget it, okay?" Bucky blurts out. "You don't have to say anything you don't want to."

"No, it's okay, really," Steve manages to smile again and caresses his hand. "Yeah, it's difficult sometimes, but I want to tell you, Buck. I trust you."

He can't believe this guy, how come he trusts someone that he just met? He's surprised, but also glad that Steve feels comfortable enough to share part of his past with him.

So Bucky listens. He listens and gasps and cringes when he hears Steve talking about the battles and the sacrifices he made for his country.

"I'm sorry," he says and he means every word. "I'm sorry you had to let everyone you loved behind. I know it'll be difficult, but I really hope you find something here to make you feel a little bit like before."

Steve smiles and this time his expression makes his eyes shine with joy.

"You know, I used to feel out of place here. I missed my life, my friends and everything I lost when I fell in the ice. And even though I still miss it… if someone offered me to go back in time, I'd do the same."

Bucky resists the temptation to rolls his eyes.

"Of course you'd do!" He giggles. "Only you do could be that selfless, Rogers."

But he smirks, like he knows something Bucky doesn't.

"I'm really flattered you think such an honorable thing of me, Barnes, but I'm afraid you're wrong," he informs, looking particularly amused.

"Yeah? How so? You have to explain it to me," Bucky insists, genuinely curious now. "Why would you do it then?"

But he doesn't say it, because a couple of girls approach them and ask Steve to take a selfie with them. They're so kind and respectful that Bucky actually likes them.

Just when he joins to help them to take a few more pictures, he realizes it's very late. So when they thank, both of them, and walk away, Bucky excuses himself and tells Steve he has to go. He tries to pay for dinner, but Steve doesn't let him.

He also offers to take him home. And while Bucky's not sure he's ready to ride that bike again, he accepts anyway.

* * *

Steve invites Bucky most of the days; their relationship progresses quickly, but it seems so natural it takes more than a month for Bucky to realize he got himself a best friend.

Darcy's over the moon, but her enthusiasm gets on Bucky's nerves sometimes. She thinks Steve has other intentions and she takes every opportunity she has to tell him so.

"He wants to spend more time with you," she comments like she hasn't talked about the same in weeks, which is ridiculous, because it's the only thing she talks about.

Bucky just rolls his eyes at her and walks away to give a girl her cup of hot chocolate and muffin. But when he goes back, Darcy has the same look on her face.

"Give him an opportunity," she practically begs.

"I don't have to, because he doesn't want to. We're just friends!" Bucky frowns and huffs at her.

"My friends don't look at me the way he looks at you," Darcy insists.

Bucky sighs; it's really difficult to ignore her when she starts to say the very things he wants to hear. But he's careful; he doesn't let himself to think about it too much.

"At least you invited him to your apartment yesterday?" She asks, looking like a mother that's about to scold her son.

"Yes." Actually, Steve's spending much of his time in Bucky's apartment. Most of the days they just watch Bucky's favorites movies or the ones on Steve's list and comment on them after they finish. They usually end up laughing at some stupid joke one of them make about the characters or the plot. And Bucky has to admit he enjoys a little too much every second he's with Steve Rogers. He's sure Captain America would never want a romantic relationship with a guy like him, but it doesn't matter, keeping his friendship is most important.

Besides he doesn't need anything more from Steve; it's not like he's falling in love with him or something like that… right?

* * *

It's been just a month, but to Bucky it feels like a lifetime with Steve; it's like he knows him his whole life. So it's pretty clear for him that the captain hates being in the apartment SHIELD gave to him.

Bucky also notices how persistent Steve is on watching movie after movie on particular night. He must really despise that place to want to spend the night in his apartment.

"You know… you can stay here tonight," he blurts out and he regrets it immediately just till he sees the hopeful look on Steve's face.

"You sure?" He asks almost in a whisper like he's afraid Bucky will change his mind.

"Of course. I have a spare room actually, my sister used to sleep in there when she visited me."

"Thanks," Steve beams at him. "Your sister is not coming tonight, right? Because if she is I–"

"Don't worry, really." He smiles or tries to… "She's... she's not here anymore. She died."

He watches the moment the realization hits Steve and how his smile fades away, replaced by sorrow and embarrassment. His face turns bright red.

"Oh, I'm so sorry I–"

"Steve, it's okay, you didn't know," Bucky puts his right hand on his shoulder, he knows by now that usually makes him feel more relaxed. "I'm not mad."

Steve nods, but Bucky knows he's still worried, so he tries to distract him by showing him the room and giving him pants and one of his t-shirts. He hopes the clothes fit; he's aware Steve's a little bit bigger and taller than him. He's so distracted by his own thoughts that he doesn't notice when Steve leans in and kisses him on the forehead till he's pulling away again.

The guy has the nerve to smirk at him when he sees Bucky blush.

"Thanks for all of this, Buck," he says and turns around. "Good night!"

And Bucky just blinks and stays there a couple of seconds more, before he can think clear again and disappear in his own room.

* * *

The first thing he notices when he wakes up is the noise and then the delicious smell that comes from kitchen. But it's not until Bucky gets out of his room and makes it to the kitchen that he sees Steve making pancakes.

"You're being so nice to me that I thought I could return the favor," Steve says, smiling nervously. "I hope is okay."

"Okay?" Bucky lets out, laughing. That guy's unbelievable. "It's more than okay! Seriously that smells really nice, Steve."

The captain grins at him, seeming pleased with himself.

Although the smell is really good, Bucky's not prepared for the flavor; when he takes the first bite, he can't stop the moan that comes out of his mouth. Steve looks at him intently, before his face turns completely red. Then, the man cleans his throat and looks away.

Bucky's not sure if Steve is mad or uncomfortable around him because of that so he tries to apologize.

"I'm sorry, couldn't help it. This is really delicious," he says and that makes Steve look back and he realizes, relieved that Steve doesn't seem mad, there's something more in his eyes that Bucky can't identify.

He seems flustered.

Then Steve looks at him and Bucky look right back and he feels it, it's like something warm in his chest, something that pulls him to Steve, that makes him want to lean across the table and plant a kiss on his lips.

But there's a knock at the door and the moment vanishes and Bucky reminds himself that he doesn't want to be in a relationship… that maybe it's all part of his needy imagination.

He excuses himself and walks to the door, but when he opens it three agents of SHIELD enter to his apartment with guns pointing at him. And while he knows by their body language that they mean no real harm, he tries to think in all the options he has to neutralize them without hurting them too much. But just when he opens his mouth to try to talk his way out of it first, a larger body pins him against the wall. Bucky tries to resist but then he realizes it's Steve so he looks at him in confusion.

Steve seems furious, it'd be something terrifying if it wasn't for the fact that he's not looking at him. Then Bucky realizes that Steve's trying to protect him using his body as a human shield. It's stupid and reckless and Bucky thinks he has to talk with Steve about that when they're alone again.

"Captain Rogers! We thought… we had orders–"

But the man talking only seems to upset him more. Steve gets close to Bucky and basically growls at the agents who immediately take the guns away.

Then a man with a black coat and a black eyepatch walks in. When he sees Steve an amused smile appears on his face.

Steve frowns at him.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you."

"How did you know where I was?"

"I know everything, Rogers," the man answers. "And please stop doing that, I'm not gonna hurt Sergeant Barnes, he is Romanoff's and she gets very protective of him, but I see she's not the only one."

Bucky looks at him over Steve's shoulders and realizes that yes, Natasha has talked about him.

"You're Nick Fury," he says then and Steve moves a little bit just to look at them both; he's confused.

"What do you mean he's Natasha's?"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Steve, relax!" Nat exclaims then. Bucky watches her eating an apple, sitting peacefully on the living room. "We're just friends."

What the hell?

"Nat how did you get in my apartment?" Bucky glares at her.

She rolls her eyes.

"Bucky I just knock at the door every time because I'm polite, but I can get in here whenever I want."

"Why didn't you tell me you knew him?" Steve cuts in, with a deep frown on his face. He finally steps aside so Bucky can move again, but stays close to him.

"So you knew Steve as well?" Bucky asks, feeling as confused as Steve.

"You let them do this? You let them come in here with weapons knowing they could hurt him?" Steve doesn't give Nat a chance to answer the first question; his confusion quickly escalates to anger.

"They would never hurt him, besides if they did they know I'd go after them," Nat says, looking annoyed. "He's my friend and I always protect my friends."

"He's also my friend."

Bucky sighs, realizing his friends are acting like children. He wants to step in and tell them that he can protect himself.

"He was my friend first," the woman says then and Bucky knows by the way she's grinning that she just wants to annoy Steve with that comment.

"Steve, don't mind her, she's just–" he can't finish though because Steve's huge arms are around him in a second and he feels himself get pushed into a tight hug.

"I was scared," he admits in a whisper, looking at Bucky in the eye. "I saw them pointing the guns at you and I almost panicked."

Steve looks so vulnerable that it takes Bucky a couple of minutes to react. He smiles at him.

"It's okay, Stevie. I'm here, I'm fine." He doesn't notice the nickname escapes his lips till much later, he's too distracted by the way Steve's eyes sparkle with joy.

Then he remembers they're not alone and takes a few steps away from Steve. He feels his face turning red, but tries not to think too much about it.

"You two are done?" Fury asks then. "Because I need to take Captain Rogers back to SHIELD right now."

"What's going on?" Steve asks.

"I can't talk here," Fury says. He moves his hand and the agents get out the apartment. Bucky knows he doesn't want him to hear.

"I'll tell Bucky anyway," Steve seems to notice it also and he doesn't seem to like it. He crosses his arms over his chest, determined.

"It's okay, Steve, you don't have to–" he tries to speak, but he's interrupted by Natasha.

"You can trust Bucky" she tells Fury.

The man doesn't seem so convinces, but he sighs in surrender.

"It's about the Avengers Initiative."


	4. Chapter 4 Don't run away

**Chapter 4**

 **Don't run away**

Steve sits next to him, so close their thighs are touching even when there's enough space on the other side of the couch, where Natasha's sitting. Bucky is not sure if Steve's aware of what he's doing because he's busy looking at Fury standing in front of them with his arms on his back; Steve frowns at him while the Black Widows seems particularly amused with the whole situation.

"So… you're saying you want to make a team of super people?" Bucky says then, because the Avengers thing is confusing him and nobody seems willing to ask about anything.

"People with abilities," Fury corrects him. "But yeah, that's basically it."

"And you want me in it," Steve says and doesn't look pleased when the man nods in response.

"We certainly need a leader, a man with strength and experience in the battlefield," Fury continues. "We need Captain America back."

"Well I'm not sure I want to be him again," Steve protests. He takes Bucky's hand in his and Bucky thinks he doesn't know what he's doing but lets him because his friend seems to need something to grab onto. "I just want to have a normal life… I want to get married and maybe someday to have a family."

Bucky tries to hide his surprise, but it's really difficult. He didn't know all those things about Steve till now. He wonders why Steve never talked to him about that. He also thinks about what will happen to him when Steve finds the right woman for him. Of course they'll still be friends, but it won't be the same, Steve will stop spending so much time with him to be with his family and Bucky will miss him because he's pathetic like that, because he's so broken he can't have a relationship.

He's so stuck in his own mind he doesn't notice the moment Steve looks at him with hope, he also doesn't notice the moment his friend's expression changes to worry.

"Buck, are you okay?"

He blinks and then tries to control himself, before smiling at Steve.

"Yes, of course. I just… got distracted."

"Don't you think the best way to get what you want, to keep the ones that you love safe is to be Captain America again?" Fury cuts in suddenly. "I want to make the world a safer place and believe me Rogers there are so many who want power no matter the cost and we must stop them."

Bucky knows exactly what he's doing, he's using Steve's kindness and good heart against him, he's trying to manipulate him in order to get what he wants. And by the worried look on Steve's face, Fury is winning.

"You don't have to do this, Steve. You did enough back then; you don't own this world anything. It's not your responsibility." Bucky says, but he knows it's too late when he looks back at him. Steve smiles and tucks a lock of Bucky's hair behind his ear.

"It's okay, Buck. I think Fury's right," he says.

"But what about you? Is this really what you want?"

"Hey, you can still do the things you want. You just have to see this like some kind of job." Natasha interrupts Bucky. "You can have a relationship and I'm sure whoever you want to marry he… they'll accept in a heartbeat you just have to, you know, tell them, Steve."

The Black Widow winks at him and Bucky watches the exact moment Steve's face blushes. Natasha knows something that he doesn't.

Fury clears his throat. They all finally look back at him.

"It's decided then. I'm going back to SHIELD. Rogers, are you coming?"

Steve looks reluctant to go. Bucky knows he doesn't like to live there, but he can't really imagine what's so bad about that place to make Steve to want to spend more time in his apartment with him.

"The place you gave him it's really depressing," Nat comments then. "It looks more like a prison than an apartment."

"I'm afraid all SHIELD looks the same, Romanoff."

"It's okay Nat–" Steve says, but gets quickly interrupted by the woman.

"Well, what about you, Bucky?"

"What do you mean?" He asks, not sure what the whole thing is about, but he knows her enough to know she's planning something.

Nat grins from ear to ear.

"Steve can live here, with you. After all you have a spare room. You can share the bills. I think it'll benefit you both."

No, it will not be okay, because Bucky will have to spend more time with Steve and when he finally moves out to live with his girlfriend, to get married… he'll leave him, but Bucky will be so into deep by then it'll hurt him so much. He doesn't want that. Bucky's about to open his mouth to say something, anything, but then he looks at Steve; he's smiling, looking hopeful and happy that Bucky decides not to say a word.

"I think it's a great idea!" He says, but stops smiling when he catches a glimpse of Bucky's hesitant look. "Well… only if you agree, I don't want to be a bother."

"You won't be, Steve," Bucky manages to smile. "You can stay here as much as you want."

Steve's so happy he leans in and puts his arms around Bucky and presses him close.

"I'll just go to get my stuff and I'll be back," he informs him, grinning like he has just received the best news he has in a while.

"I have to go to work, so I won't be here by the time you return, but here… you can have my spare key," he says.

"Thanks, I'll see you tonight," Steve standing up. "I'll pick you up."

"Yeah," he answers; he's still trying to process the whole thing he doesn't notice when the two men get out till Nat sits closer to him.

"You two are so cute, you know that?" She giggles.

"What've you done?" Bucky asks when he recovers.

"This is the best for you, believe me."

"I don't think this is a good idea."

"Why? You don't like him?" Nat raises her red eyebrows at him and Bucky can't help blushing.

"Yes, of course I do… I mean we're good friends." He blurts out.

She rolls her eyes in response.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, sweetheart," she looks at some kind of watch on her wrist and then at him again. "Look I know you're scared and I know what you've been through and how difficult was for you to recover from it, but please trust me on this, okay?"

Bucky's not sure what to think of it, but he nods anyway.

"And listen, I care about you both and I don't want any of you to get hurt, so please do me a favor and don't run away… please."

"Run away from what exactly?" Bucky asks.

"You KNOW what…"

No, he doesn't and he thinks that he doesn't want to either.

* * *

 ** _Our Bucky is so oblivious, please someone save him._**

 ** _I think it's time for them to meet the other Avengers, at least the ones Fury has convinced so far._**


	5. Chapter 5 Stark's tower

**Chapter 5**

 **Stark's tower**

He's not scared. In fact, in the past week everything has been almost perfect. Somehow they both adapted to each other very well. And Bucky knows now Natasha's been right all along (but that's not surprising since she always is), the decision to live together has beneficiated both of them. He also likes Steve's company (maybe a little too much) and his presence makes him feel more relaxed than ever; the nightmares are not so frequent and violent (and he always makes sure his door is close to avoid waking Steve up). He feels safer than before. He's not sure what Steve thinks about the whole thing, but guesses he's happy as well, since the guy hasn't done anything but grinning and laughing since he moved in.

They see each other every single day, but somehow manage to spend their free time together, because they want to, they even go shopping together. But it feels so natural the routine, the little things they do for each other, like making breakfast or watching movies on Bucky's couch that sometimes is a little bit confusing for Bucky. He only knows Steve for a few months now, but it feels like he has known him his whole life. He's not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

"I think you brought another conditioner…" Bucky takes the blue bottle in his hands.

"You're right, sorry." Steve says, laughing at his own mistake. "I'll be right back with the shampoo," he adds before taking the bottle from Bucky's hands, he caresses his fingers before walking away.

"Oh my god, you're boyfriend is so sweet," a woman comments then. Bucky doesn't realize she's talking to him till she approaches. "I'm sorry, I know it's not my business, but you two look so cute together."

Bucky blushes, he can't help it.

"No, we're… just friends."

"Oh?" She looks at him, she looks flustered. "I'm sorry, I just... the way he was looking at you, I thought… sorry."

Of course Steve returns in that exact moment and puts a hand on Bucky's waist, he does that sometimes and Bucky lets him, but he sees the woman's eyes following the movement and steps aside to put distance between them. Steve looks at him, confused and hurt. But before he could say something, the woman gasps.

"You're Captain America!" she squeaks, then her eyes lay on Bucky again and something seems to click in her mind. "Oh, I get it! You want to keep it private then! Don't worry I completely understand, I won't say a thing I promise!"

"No, that's not–" Bucky tries to say, but she's so excited she doesn't listen to him. Instead, she waves at them before turning around the next aisle.

"What was that?" Steve asks him, looking even more confused.

"I have no idea," he lies and tries to distract him by telling him he wants to find something to eat, and luckily Steve's always ready to give him anything he wants.

* * *

"So… what do you want for dinner tonight?" Bucky asks while he approaches to the kitchen, he's not in the mood to cook, but he doesn't know what to buy either.

"Actually, Fury called. He wants me to go to Stark's tower to meet the other Avengers," he begins.

"I guess it'll be a long meeting. Well, I'll just buy something from the Chinese restaurant down the street for myself then," he says, but when he looks back at Steve, he knows his friend wants to tell him something more, so he waits.

"I would like you to come with me," Steve manages to say. "Only if you want to, of course."

"Are you sure you want me there?" He asks. "I mean, maybe Fury wants to discuss something important, something I shouldn't–"

But he gets interrupted when Steve steps closer and takes Bucky's face in his hands.

"I won't keep secrets from you. Fury knows that." He says. "I trust you."

Not many people have said that to Bucky, not when he was a complete person, and certainly not now that he looks more like a machine than a human. He's so fucked up; he doesn't even trust himself sometimes. And that's why Steve's words hit him so hard, he wants, just for a second, to kiss the man in front of him, but he doesn't, because he's sure Steve wouldn't want that, so he hugs him instead.

"I'll go with you," he promises and feels Steve's arms around his waist, before the captain brings him closer.

* * *

Bucky doesn't say it out loud because he suspects Steve doesn't like Stark that much, but he's really impressed with all the things he sees when he enters Stark's tower. The level of technology is so different from what he has seen that the building seems more like something taken from another world. He looks at his hand then and wonders what it would look like if Stark had worked on it instead of the Russians.

After Jarvis (the A.I. created by Stark himself) directs then to one of the rooms, a blond and tall woman enters followed by Natasha.

"Captain Rogers, it's a pleasure. I'm Pepper Potts, director of Stark industries," she introduces herself and offers her free hand to Steve.

"The pleasure is mine, ma'am," he says. Pepper smiles at him and then offers her hand to Bucky.

"Sergeant Barnes, I'm glad to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you," she comments and laughs when she notices Bucky's surprised expression.

Then Bucky looks at Nat and smiles back.

"So what did you bring me this time, Fury?" Stark's voice fills the room even before Bucky can see him. He walks towards them with Fury and another man he doesn't recognize. "Let's see, the Widow, Capsicle… ugh, I remember my father used to talk about you all the time, god, I hated you," he adds frowning.

"Tony," Pepper warns him and Stark just rolls his eyes.

"What do we have here," he blurts out, grinning from ear to ear. "Look at you metal arm boy, I don't know you, but I like you already. I'm Tony Stark."

"Bucky Barnes," he says, shaking Tony's hand, still shocked by the billionaire's sudden approach.

"Bucky? It's that a real name?" Tony arches his eyebrows at him. "I mean, it's not that I don't like it, but I just wonder…"

"It's a nickname. I'm James, but my friends call me Bucky."

"Does this mean we're friends now?" The billionaire smiles at him.

"I thought we we're here for a reason," Steve interrupts, looking annoyed. "Can we just get to the point?"

"I didn't know you were so grumpy, Capsicle," Tony comments and then looks back at Bucky. But the other man in the room steps in.

"Please don't mind him; he doesn't know how to behave himself."

"You wound me, Banner. I thought we were friends," Tony tries to look sad.

"I'm Bruce Banner," he introduces himself, ignoring Stark.

"He turns green when he gets mad," Tony adds and smiles at Banner when the man glares at him.

"I think Captain Rogers is right, we are all here for a reason and we must better start to discuss it," Fury cuts in.

"Is this about the guy from another dimension who took the tesseract?" Tony asks.

"I told you to stop stealing information from SHIELD, Stark," Fury huffs.

"Yes, I remember that, but I chose not to listen."

"Tony, can you please let him talk?" Pepper cuts in and, surprisingly, the billionaire nods.

"Thanks miss Potts," Fury says and moves to the center of the room. "Yesterday at night, a man stole a powerful object and we must get it back, before he uses it against us. I need your help. I need all of you."

Bucky's shocked when he notices Fury is looking at him.

"Yes, you too, Sergeant Barnes. I could use a man with your abilities. Would you help us?"

Steve looks at him, he seems worried. Bucky knows he's going to protest, but he takes his hand in his before he can open his mouth.

"I'll do it."


	6. Chapter 6 The asgardians

**Chapter 6**

 **The asgardians**

"Where's Barton?" Natasha asks then looking right at Fury. "We'll need all the help possible for this task and you know he's one of our best men."

"He's waiting for the other guy," Fury says.

"What other guy?" Tony, who doesn't seem to know a thing about politeness, cuts in. And despite Pepper and a few people in the room roll their eyes when they hear him, none of them shuts him up, because it seems nobody has a clue about what Fury's talking about, but everyone is interested, including Bucky.

"A guy that comes from the same place our target does." The man answers. "I know for a fact that this man is on our side; his name's Thor. I'm planning on recruiting him as well; he has very interesting abilities that I'd like to use for this project."

"I see, it seems the guy's been here before," comments Tony, reading something in his phone.

"Stop hacking SHIELD and stealing info–" Fury starts, but Stark moves a hand in his direction and nods.

"Yeah, I know. Last time, I promise." He says and Bucky knows that nobody in the room believes him.

Bucky doesn't see Steve when he moves closer to him, but he feels him approaching; he's getting use to it though. He's not sure when he learned so much about the man, but he's almost sure he did it because he doesn't trust what Fury has said.

"But how do we know he's not gonna turn his back on us?" Steve asks and he steps even closer to Bucky. "If he tries to do something–"

"He's not going to, trust me." Fury assures him. Steve nods, but Bucky knows him well enough to notice the little frown on his face.

"Well, I think it's time to get to work," Nat comments. "We need to locate our target before Barton arrives with the other guy."

Finally they all agree on something, and even Tony decides to follow Romanoff instructions and lets her use his tech to work with. Bucky wants to join them, but before he can do so Steve takes him by the arm gently.

Before Bucky can ask him what's wrong, his friend talks first.

"Are you sure about this?" Steve asks for the first time since Fury began to speak.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean if you really want to be part of… this," he says and he looks worried. "We still don't know what or who are we going to fight. I'm sure it won't be easy and it'll be definitely dangerous."

"I know, Steve. But I really want to help." Bucky tries to smile at him, but doesn't work like he wants to; his friend is still looking at him like a sad puppy.

"I don't want anything to happen to you," Steve admits and Bucky smiles at him.

"I'll be fine, we'll be fine," he says. "We're together in this, right?"

Bucky doesn't know if it's because of what he says, but something changes in Steve; his eyes shine with joy and for a moment his worry seems to be forgotten. He's so happy it looks he can't help but to take Bucky in his arms and bury his face in the brunette's neck.

"Yes, we're together." Steve sighs happily in his neck and Bucky shivers for a second, because for a moment that sounds more serious than he expected.

"Hey, Capsicle! Now is not the time to snuggle your boyfriend! We need you both here." Stark's voice reaches them and it's enough to make Bucky jump and step away from Steve.

"Stop being rude, Tony." Pepper huffs.

Steve glares at him and the billionaire just smiles in response while Bucky fights back the heat he's feeling on his cheeks.

"I'm not his boyfriend," he says, because he thinks he has to. "We're just friends." But once the works come out of his mouth the whole room gets awkwardly quiet. They all look at something behind him and some of them turn his face on the opposite direction quickly. Nat looks at him with something between exasperation and sadness. He raises his eyebrows at her in a silent question at which she just shakes her head in response.

Then he notices; Steve has that sad puppy look on his face again. He tries to avoid looking at him, but has to look at him anyway when Bucky says his name.

"Steve?"

"It's okay," it's his response, but it's not, of course it's not okay and Bucky suddenly feels guilty and he doesn't know why.

He intends to insist but Jarvis' voice distracts them all.

"They're here," he announces.

* * *

It's hard to understand everything Thor tells them, but Bucky tries to anyway. It seems that Thor's from a place called Asgard and Loki, the guy who stole whatever Fury's looking for is the adopted brother of Thor. So the asgardian just wants his brother back to take him to a prison in Asgard. Of course, Fury doesn't seem really happy with Thor's plan, but doesn't say anything about it.

"Still, we need to find the guy," Banner reminds them when Thor stops talking.

"I just did," announces Barton then, with a grin on his face that Nat mirrors instantly.

Loki's terrorizing a group of people. He's in front of them, yelling and ordering them to kneel, the people are petrified. That's when Bucky decides to appear, despite Steve's protests.

The asgardian looks at him and seems to forget the rest of the people once Bucky arrives. He smiles at him.

"Metal arm. I haven't read about you yet. You're new." Loki comments. He looks more amused than surprised.

Bucky doesn't say a thing, but he wants to, he wants to know how much information Loki has on them all, how did he get it and what does he want to do with it.

"You're a quiet one. I like that," he adds.

The soldier takes a step closer, Loki notices the movement, and smirks at him. Bucky doesn't want to attack unless the other does it first. Then, just seconds after, the asgardian seems to change his mind and tries to hit him with the scepter he's holding, but Bucky blocks the attack with his metal arm just in time.

"You're fast and strong, but you don't look like someone who wants to fight," Loki comments.

"That's because I'm just a distraction."

Loki has no time to turn around, because Captain America's shield hits him in the chest, making him to fall away from Bucky. Then Thor and Ironman arrive. They both stand in front of Loki who just puts both hands in the air in surrender. Still, he doesn't seem so interested in them and looks at something behind Bucky instead and before he can turn, Steve takes his face in his hands and gets close to him.

"Are you okay?" Steve asks.

Bucky nods, but looks in Loki's direction again just to see the man smirking at them.

"Steve," he whispers. "I don't like this, it was too easy."

"It'll be fine." He says, but Bucky can see that he's worried too.

Something's coming.


End file.
